Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
