my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
