You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
