I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
