Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
