Your dad touched me again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
