Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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