I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
