can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
