Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
