Already got asked if we're dating
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Semen is not good for contacts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They took my balls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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