I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
