She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
