it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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