I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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