ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
