he fucked my hip out of place.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
