we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize