I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
