4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
