I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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