I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
