I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
