break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
