hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
