well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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