call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
