Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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