my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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