This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
