your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
