I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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