I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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