I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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