nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
