I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
