she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize