OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
