I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize