It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
