I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
