OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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