my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
