I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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