Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
