My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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