you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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