Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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