I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
being pregnant is like rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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