Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
