Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
