Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
