Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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