The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
