We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
