My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
