He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
