you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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