I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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