i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
