Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
