I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
