just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
tell me about the eggs
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