i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
