We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
