So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
