I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
