He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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