If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
