i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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