Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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