He uses pillows to masturbate.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
