It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
