I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
