I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize