i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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